Memoir:

This was the biggest match of the summer.  After months upon months of struggling with various ailments and confidence, I finally reached the finals of a tournament.  While I did minimize this achievement because it was a bit of a smaller tournament, I still had to win three matches just to get a chance to win my first trophy in years.  I needed this win as a reassurance that all the work I have been putting in was not completely worthless.  As I stepped to the baseline and blasted my first serve for an ace, I thought that I finally was going to get some assurance, but NO, that would be too simple! I tensed up and played to not lose instead of a win.  It was beginning to become painful.  After being heartbroken, I swallowed my pride and entered into the next tournament.  And wouldn’t you know it, the same thing happened… For a game that I love so much, it sometimes feels like a burden.  Why is that I feel so free on the court, yet I am playing as if I have had shackles placed upon my feet and wrists.   

However, no matter how frustrating it can be, what I love about tennis is that there is always an opportunity to correct your mistakes the next day, if not the next point or the next shot. 

11/14 and 11/13 work in progress:

To be or not to be, that is the essential question
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Do I proceed one way or another?
Is there something that could steer me on the right path, perhaps a divine other?
I can proceed forward or go backward
Any decision I make would seem to be lackluster
I simply cannot get anything right
Do I hold my position, or take flight?
It seems whatever decision I make will be wrong
Maybe I was meant to fail all along

Monologue (more possibly coming):

Rabbi Cohen:  No, Chris.  I cannot show you where to go and what to do.  I can only guide you, but ultimately, you have to make the final decision with yourself?  Even though I am considered an authority figure in this temple, I cannot control the actions of all around me.  Either you will make a mistake or make a good decision.  Whichever one it is, you will learn from it and it will shape you.  Your possession is something that I never would have thought existed; even I do not know what to do.  Before you make any decision, think about your friends and family.  What would they want you to do?  Friends and family always steer you in the right direction and keep you off the wrong path.  No one knows what is right except you.