This is a play about three baseball players, one of whom
falls in debt with the wrong person and forces his teammates to help him out of
this horrid situation by any means necessary
Character List:
Brian Hoffman
Alex Green
Andy Clemens—falls into debt with the Italian Mafia
Mafia Enforcer: Fabio Rigatoni
Mafia Boss:
Mario Linguini
It was a perfect day for baseball. The regular season had
come to an end, and the team was ready for postseason play. After winning 100 games out of 162
during the regular season, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim were World Series
favorites. All the sports pundits
thought that only something amazing would stop the Angels from hoisting up the
World Series trophy…Something amazing did happen, and this outside “doing” had
absolutely nothing to do with baseball.
All the players pulled up to the stadium and parked in their
normal game day parking sports.
They all had heard that they were the favorites, but they knew it was
now time to prove that this team was worth all the talk.
AG: I AM SO
READY!!
BH: You said it man, this is what we have worked so hard
for. All those years taking extra
batting and fielding practice has finally played off. We are MLB rookies starting for our hometown team on the
biggest baseball stage of all, the World Series.
AC: Yeah. (In a dejected fashion) Let’s go get these guys, I guess. It will be my funeral, literally.
Alex and Brian together: What do you mean “your funeral”?
AC: Kicking a
bottle cap on the parking lot floor:
“Oh, nothing. I was just trying
to lighten the mood.
Brian: Whatever
Andy, c’mon, you look like your head is somewhere else. In order to fulfill our lifelong dreams
of winning the World Series, we all need to focus like we never have before.
(After warm-ups, Andy said he pulled a groin, and asked the
manger to pull him from the lineup.
This is when both Brian and Alex knew that something was up, and they
intended to figure it out, as their title aspirations depended on it!)
AG: What is up
with you, you easily could have played through that. Now we are down 1-0 in the series and have lost the
home-field advantage!
AC: Sorry, guy
I did not want to make the injury worse or put the team in jeopardy, (under his
breath) even though I have already done that…
BH: What do you
mean? You keep saying all this
gloomy stuff about ruining the team’s chances.
AG: Yeah, what
is with you, man?
AC: You guys
are my best friends so if I cannot tell you, then who can I tell? So last week, you know how I celebrated
the team’s World Series berth very late into the night. Well, when I left you guys, I made my
way to an underground poker game, and was so drunk that I did not realize that
I was 150,000 dollars in debt! That
amount was only for Texas Hold ‘Em!
Overall, I am down about $322,000.
Even better (sarcastically), I owe money not jus to some random guy, but
to the head of the LA Italian mafia!
I am screwed. My rookie
contract does not kick in until about two months, and Linguini and his 7-foot
tall former enforcer Rigatoni simply will not wait that long. God, please let met live! From what I have heard, no one gets
past him because he is so agile.
He was the starting center for the Italian national team. It is only fitting that I am going to
be killed by the hands of another professional athlete. (Turning toward his two best
friends, who happen to be the next two best players on the team.): I realized I messed up guys…
BH: YOU THINK!
GOD! I, I, I, am speechless… What
the hell were you thinking, man? Now you got me and Alex involved now… JESUS CHRIST, ANDY!!!!
I honestly do not know what to do, but needless to say, you are done gambling…
AC: Yeah…
AG: We have to
end your debt. Otherwise these
guys will not let you out of their sights until we lose the World Series. I can tell you one thing, we sure as
hell are not going to lose. All of
us and everyone else on this team has worked too damn hard!
AC: You make it
sound like it is going to be easy to do so…
BH: No, it
won’t be… But we are going to somehow find a way out of this world- class mess
you got yourself in.
(Close curtain)
Because all three players are playing on their rookie
contracts, they are all living together in the same apartment as roommates. (Open curtain)
AC: (Talking to Brian) Both you and Alex barely talked to
me, let alone look at me in the car.
I know I screwed up, but ignoring me isn’t going to do anything…
BH: Look, Andy…
We both just cannot believe that you put us, let alone the rest of the team, in
this bad of a situation. But look,
all we can do now is try to get you out of this mess in one piece, or maybe we
will shoot for two pieces…
AG: Yeah, I
would definitely shoot for the scenario where Andy ends up in two pieces… In my opinion, that is the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario from what I
heard is being fed to the great white sharks in the Pacific Ocean… Either way,
we are all best friends and we will not let that happen to you… At least I
think we won’t…
BH: So what is
the plan?
AC: Yeah, as
much as I love hearing about my painful, I would rather brainstorm with you
guys about how I might get out of this mess…
AG: Joking
aside, he is right. We need to
plan and move quickly, as Game 2 of the World Series is in two days. This needs to be fixed by then, no ifs,
ands, or buts.
BH: Absolutely,
because I am not risking losing the World Series because of your stupid
mistake!
AC: I SAID I
WAS SORRY, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
BH: I know. It is just that Alex and I are still
frustrated, but we are both putting our frustration behind us so that we can
just focus on baseball. Right,
Alex?
AG: You said
it, man!
(All exit)
(Alex, Andy, and Brian are all in their Orange County
apartment. None of them have gone
to bed, as they have been brainstorming ideas for Andy to get out of his debt
issues at their kitchen table.
AC: Anything?
BH: No.
AG: I MIGHT
HAVE SOMETHING…!
(End scene)
(Open curtain.
Fabio (enforcer) and Mario (head of Italian mafia) are sitting at the
local Sal’s diner.)
F: Hey,
boss! Did you see that the Angels
lost Game One?
M: Yeah, but I
feel like something fishy is going on.
F: What do you
mean, boss?
M: I just feel
like that punk Andy is going to squeal to his roommates, or worse, the cops!
F: There is now
way he would do that boss. He is a
smart guy. He played baseball at
Harvard.
M: Unfortunately, I think that Harvard education might help
him get out of his debt problems.
Keep your eyes peeled and watch yourself out there.
F: Whatever you
say, boss. You call the shots.
M: That's right. Now let's just hope that I am WRONG!
(End scene)
BG (Shouting to Alex and Andy): Here is what we have to do! Because Mario has leverage on you Alex, great job I might
add, he can have you do whatever he wants, such as throw the FREAKING WORLD
SERIES!!!
AC: We
established that already…
AG: Hey! Let
him finish…
AC: Sorry. Go ahead.
BG: Like I was
saying, we need to find leverage.
And I think I know how to get the upper hand in this battle.
AC and AG: HOW?
BG: Well, in
order to even the scales, we need to do something to tip them back in our
favor. Our only option, since they
warned you not to involve the authorities in any capacity, is to break into his
house and fight fire with fire.
AC: But that is a crime! I do not want to go to jail, Brian!
BG: Well, it
seems like someone has come up with a better plan…
AC: No, but
there has to be a better one than that.
There has to be, right?
AG: No, not
right. This is the only way to try
to exert power over the most powerful man in Los Angeles. We need to bend the rules, in self-defense
of Rigatoni literally owning you, Andy.
BG: I know that
I am speaking for Alex and I, when I say that we both consider you a brother,
and that we will risk anything to make sure that your are not going to
permanently in real trouble, but right now we are out of options, and you
should consider yourself lucky that we are willing to break the law for you.
AC: I know that I am lucky; I just cannot believe that it
has come to this.
AG: Well, it
has. Alright, let’s go scope out
his house. It should be pretty easy;
he has the two biggest mansions in both Orange County and Beverly Hills.
BH: I would bet
that he would want to literally distance himself from the World Series as much
as possibly, seeing as he is trying to ruin the integrity of baseball! If his atrocities became public
knowledge, it would probably ruin the integrity of baseball for at least the
next decade. I am not about to let
that happen. I love this game too
much!
AC: ME TOO!
AG: Could not
agree more. LET’S DO THIS!!!
(Close curtain)
(Curtain opens.
They sprayed the security cameras with black spray paint, so that no one
will know that they were there and they rented a car so that it could not be
traced back to them. Because
Linguini and his enforcer, Rigatoni, lived in a fortress, they left the doors unlocked,
as they did not think that anyone would be stupid enough to enter his
premises. Naturally, they are
armed with Louisville Slugger baseball bats, of course they did not intend to
use them unless it was completely necessary, as they wanted to rid Andy of his
troubles, not get all of themselves in trouble. The main purpose of their “visit” to the estate was to
record Rigatoni and Linguini’s wrongdoings. To capture evidence, they all attached wires under their
shirts.)
AC: Mario!
Fabio! Guess who it is? Where are my two favorite murderous
Italians!
FR: Right
here. (He holds an automatic
pistol to his back). You were dumb
enough to come alone?
BH: You’d like
that, wouldn’t you?
AG: Yeah, I bet
he would. (They are both holding
the bats to Mario’s head, trying to convince Mario that they were crazy enough
to kill him.) How about you put
that gun down, Fabio. I cannot see
you being able to collect a check from your boss if Brian and I bash his brains
in.
BH: Hell
yeah! Put it on the ground and
kick it over and let our friend go!
Wow, I cannot believe watching all these action and crime shows on
television is finally paying off!
(Fabio puts the gun on the hard wooden floor and kicks it
across to Alex. Fabio subsequently
lets Andy go.)
AC: (Speaking
to Fabio and Mario): Now, all we
want is for my debt to you to disappear.
That is it.
Mario: You
think it is that simple? I have an
organization to run. If I let one
person out of their debt issues, all the others who are in debt to me will not
fear me, and then not pay me! You
see, this organization is run on fear!
Without fear, I am nothing!
BH: (under his breath)
Maybe that is not such a bad thing…
AG: You said
it, brother. Without fear, maybe
we would not have to break our backs trying to save Andy from his debt issues…
AC: Look,
Mario. You are a sensible man.
BH: He is?
AC: Let me
handle this. You guys have gotten
me to this point. I can take it
from here. Like I was saying, I am
in line to sign a big contract extension after the World Series. I can give you the $300,000 right after
I sign it. I just cannot let you
ruin my chance of hoisting up the World Series trophy. OK?
Mario: I
guess. But if I do not get my
money…
BH: Yeah,
yeah. You will kill us all we know…
(Andy goes on to hitting the game winning home run to lead
the Angels to their first championship since 2002. In the offseason, he, Brian, and Alex each signed identical
contract extensions totaling 80 million dollars over 4 years. Needless to say, they each now had too
much money!
